Saturday, April 10, 2010

My Favourite Ranga

A certain girl I know was once overhead in a restuarant drunkenly proclaiming "I've always had a bit of a thing for rangas"!
 Now, in all fairness being her birthday, she was surrounded by her friends and a particularly naughty friend was egging her on.
'So what ?'  
its just a bit of harmless, drunken fun right? 

Well, it should be pointed out that the red headed waiter was standing right behind her at that exact moment.....
So in remembrance of that occasion, here is a list of some of my favourite rangas; in no particular order.

Mr Kerry O Brien, famed longtime television journalist for the ABC.  Suffice to say that if I was a pollie who was about to be interviewed by Kerry, I'd be crappin in my expensive suit.
His skills roasting pollies on tv makes for excellent viewing however.
It should be pointed out that Kerry does qualify as a Silver Fox, and we all know that Miz does have a thang for them too.
That, however is a whole other post.


The one, the only Miss Sexual Hotpants. 
We met at Christain Youth Camp.
Its not always the quiet ones that need to be watched.

Chuck Norris.  Don't fuck with the Chuck.
The Texas Ranger also qualifies for the Silver Fox category (are we seeing a pattern here?)
The man also packs an impressive Moose Knuckle no?

Josh Homme ladies and gentlmen.  Need I say more?

My favourite tattooed, pierced, bike-riding-cheffy-labtech.
You know who you are!

Kenny K-dawg, King of all the kool kids.
Foul mouthed ceramiscist extraordinare.
And as we can see here, owner of an impressive chest rug- only thing missing is a thick gold chain.

 This week I love.....
  • Chocolate hot cross buns.  Put them in the toaster, and then slather them with butter.  The ultimate Easter breakfast food- oh yeah! 
  • My new tattoo!  Ya-huh readers that makes #5 (not quite the tattooed circus lady yet).  Hurt like a bitch too, I don't remember my earlier tatts hurting so much - but she's so cute!

  • My job.  My job is now even better than before- now I get to work from home (yep, I can hear your jealousy from here.

  • Holidays.  Not long now until Miz hits Melbourne, and I have the feeling that we are going to love each other.

  • Hamamachi viewing.  Its spring right now in my favourite place, Japan, which means that the Cherry Blossoms are out!  Wish I was in Kyoto tripping about and going to endless Hamamachi viewing parties, drinking sake in the park and enjoying bento.  Maybe next year, sigh.

love always, Miz Murasaki.

Saturday, February 27, 2010

If I were a Rockstar.......

I know, I know I have been quite tardy posting, but I have a good excuse.  A very good excuse.  'Member how in my last post I lamented the fact that no one pays me to be Miz Murasaki?  Well I have just gotten one step closer to my goal......that's right, I'm getting paid to write now.  I am an editor, I have my own desk and everything! 

Miz has scored a job as a journo!
Frickin, awesome, amazing cool.

So as cool as this is, it means I have a lot less time to do the things I do, go to uni, write, be a mum (and a wifey) and play roller derby.  But its ok, I'm making it work, it just means the might be a lot less blog lovin going on.  sorry.

Anyway, the whole reason I got this writing gig in the first place is thanks to my own determination and initiative, AND a super-cool amazing Orstralian rock god who goes by the name of Tim Rogers. It was a joint effort, Timmy and I doin our thang and a bit of a long story, so instead of boring you with the details I thought I would entertain you with a homage to the ol' cobber in a little thing I like to call.....

'If i were a Rock Star'


So, if I were a Rockstar;
  • I would get to fly first class.  This is pretty exciting, because as yet I have never done that.

  • I would get Ken Paves (Pah-vez not Paves) Celebrity Hair Stylist to the Stars to be my hairdresser.  That's right, me and Jessica Simpson and Pink having the great hair!

  • I would not sleep in my own vomit.  In fact I would hire someone to make sure that never happened.  Their title could be 'Sleep Hygiene Assistant'.  I realise that this may make me less of a rock god, but so be it.

  • I could have a really 'out there' rider. In my experience the stranger the requests on one's rider, the bigger star you are.

  • Designers would give me free stuff.  

  • Further to this, I would hire a personal stylist who would be able to help me achieve that uber cool effortlessly scruffy look that all the stars do.  You know the one where you look like you just excited a wild, all night orgy and put on the first thing you could find.  But, in reality it actually takes skill to achieve that kind of dishevelled look and make it look good, as opposed to skanky

  • I could dance like a total fool and still look cool because I'm a rockstar (Peter Garrett anyone?).

  • I would not be able to wear dirty, torn grotty clothes.  I know that rockstars do that kind of thing, but I am too much of a control freak. Me and my stylist (see above) would have to have a talk about that.

  • I could act as crazy, moody, cranky and sullen as I want, and people would explain it away with- "she's an artist".  When you are a brilliant artist people expect the kookiness.  If they don't get it, they are disappointed, like it makes you less of an artist or something.  Lucky writers get away with this too.  You just scream something like  "I have writer's block"  or "I'm on deadline".

  • When onstage, I could swear and belittle the audience as much as I want- people love that kind of shit from their idols.  Seriously, Tim swore his head off and the crowd couldn't get enough.  I wonder what would happen if I tried that at the paper?

This week I love.....

  • Being employed, in a job I actually like.  The best thing about getting the job you want is that it means you may never have to do shitty jobs that you hate, again.  Yay!

  • The heat wave going down in the South West region of WA.  My favourite season has just been extended by a week, winter is way too long here in Bunbury.

  • The 50% off rack.  You wander into a shop, and there it is!  Even better when you can find something you like.

  • I love love love my new proper derby knee pads! It feels like I'm landing on pillows!  Those knee slides don't even hurt anymore.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Don't Panic!

oh dear, it's been quite a while hasn't it.  Don't despair dear readers, your favourite self-involved-over-opinionated lady will be back for a new adventure in bitch-pinionness soon!!!

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Proclaimations, Observations and Ponderations......

I don't know if this ever happens to you, but i find that my mind is most active between the hours of 11pm and 1am. Unfortunately for me, this also happens to be when i am trying to get to the land of Nod.  Which makes me wonder, if i switched it around and started sleeping during the day and working at night, would i end up dead-tired at 10.30?  This I will never know, because I couldn't be bothered stuffing up my sleeping patterns any more.  Thank-you to all those years working nights in pubs!
In the spirit of insomnia here's a list of some of my late-night ponderings and be warned, Miz scored a new mega-huge, fancy pants dictionary for Xmas, and she isn't afraid to use it (that is how i know ponderation is actually a word).

Sometimes you can want a particular object/objective for aeons but when you finally get it, you realise it is nothing like you imagined it would be.  In fact you don't want it at all.  Leaves you wondering why you wasted all that time.

No matter how hard I try to avoid it, chances are I am going to turn into my Mum.  If  in no other way than being the person my children roll their eyes at.  If they only knew.  Still I will take some consolation knowing that will happen to them too!

Can someone please tell me how i can get Carrie Bradshaw's life?  The woman writes a piddly little column for some second-rate newspaper, and she does it from home! I'd be interested to know the hourly rate in that line of work. It must be fairly lucrative because the lady is always shopping, socialising, dating, dining out and meeting heaps of cute men.  I already to all of these things (except for the cute men bit) unfortunately no one pays me to be Miz Murasaki.......yet. 
For crying out loud, how much time does she actually spend writing that column anyway?  And, don't get me started on the woman's inability to match bra to clothing. If i was dressed from head to toe in designer clothing, I'd sure as hell be able to find the right bra.

Capitalism is a bitch.  As eary as January 4 consumers were able to buy hot cross buns from one of  the "big stupidmarkets". I don't know about you but we were still eating Xmas leftovers at our house.
 Mao wouldn't have put up with that kind of crap.

Women spend an extraordinary amount of time and money on looking good.  As a matter of fact, we do some pretty wild stuff, and put ourselves out enormously in order to look good.  We don't complain, and even though we know it's madness we still do it.  Do not be fooled into thinking we do it in order to please men, that is a fallacy. We do it to impress other women. 

What am I supposed to do with my son's teeth after the 'Tooth Fairy' has left him some cash?  I just can't bring myself to throw it in the bin.  Perhaps there is a blackmarket for this kind of thing.

Tattoos, childbirth and waxing hurt.  You can only get an epidural for one of these.

Boys may not get an attitude until they are about six.  This is only because they have started school and are associating with other boys.  In contrast, girls have attitude from the day they are born, you just don't notice it straightaway because they are babies.  Its not wind, its 'tude. Trust me.  The ones that are cute and smart  have it even easier, case in point my daughter Miss Madam Pants.   People wonder why they turn into Princess Bitchfaces once they hit their teens. Well derr- they've been practicing since birth.

In the Hindu religion cows are sacred.  Does that mean if you call a Hindu a cow, they take it as a compliment?

'Shopping Theory'  When you've got cash to spend, there's nothing to buy.  When you're broke and just going for a look, there is heaps of cool stuff.  You know it's true.

Wedges of fresh lemon are only palatable after Tequila shots.  Why is this so?

With the increasing popularity of  boob jobs and permanent hair removal, will the next generation of Grannies all have gravity defying breastessess and be smooth and hairless down there?  Who cares, if it feels good do it.

This Week I love,
  • Miz loves the New Year.  This may come as a shock, seeing as how I am not at all sentimental, but Miz Murasaki loves the New Year.  It's probably due to the fact that  I am a control freak, and I always keep my resolutions.  I do not however, refer to them as resolutions, that would be a bit naff.  Miz Murasaki has plans, aims and goals.
  • My brand new, fancy pants dictionary.  I am a word nerd afterall.

  • My other blog, Babushkas Boilin' Bunnies.  Have you checked it out yet?
  • Getting back to the gym after the silly season break.  Sweat out the booze, and feel alive!  Apparently it's better than drugs....apparently.
  • Paying in kind.  When one creative gal makes some cute things and gives one to a creative girlfriend, and then said girlfriend makes some cute things and gives one to first creative gal.  Lets face it, who's going to appreciate it more than your girlfriend(s)?  Because I used my Roller Derby obsession for good and made some little badges, Miz Murasaki is  now the proud owner of some cute little handmade hairpins.  Thanks Katkins!
  • Speaking of creative ladies, this week Miz has been enjoying Bjork all over again.  Friendly Fires have also been serenading me while I work, party, read and lie about.